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Post by Virgil Reality on May 30, 2004 10:53:50 GMT 8
These have been a lot of fun in the past. Till we have something new to ponder over, let's just write our own script. Throw in as many shout-outs as you can
I'll get it started,,,,,
SCENE 1 AN EMPIRE FAR FAR AWAY AND LONG LONG AGO
In the capitol, chaos as the power-hungry yet self-indulgent actions of the incestuous leaders cause faction rivalry and dissatisfaction among the general populace.
Meanwhile, in his aunt's domain far from the center of power a young man is growing to manhood. He's cute, he's foxy and he has a few issues with his mother, thinks just because she has a career and has found long-term day-care for him that she doesn't have his best interests at heart.
But Nerodred doesn't want to be a doctor or a lawyer or a ruler or any of the other careers the family want for him. he always wanted to be - a lumberjack, sleeping all night and working all day, with his best girl by his side .....
No that's wrong, he always wanted to be a musician, for others, and an actor, for himself. And no big-budget productions in the big city with promotion and a guaranteed release and an audience either,
But one day, the pony express arrived with a message from the Big Apple.......
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Post by Gg on May 30, 2004 11:36:50 GMT 8
Nerodred sees the fine young horsemen, "which big apple? Are we talking New York City or Sydney"
"Do you really care?", replies the blond buck.
"I suppose I don't, I'm bound to inherit it along with the rest of the empire eventually" Nerodred replies.
"I don't know, ya'll lost your first battle to Samnites and from what I hear all they had as defense was a bad case of gas" the horseman says.
"That's way before my time you fool, and what's with the Southern drawl? Don't you know all Romans have English accents until the dubbing talent comes in for ADR? And anyway that was the "battle of the evil wind" not the "bad wind" -- didn't your mother teach you anything?? Anyway I don't really give a flying ... for leading the Empire anyway. Music is my life". Nerodred replies with impatience.
"Well, you see I'm not Roman, I'm from the future, but that's not the point... You're in luck! I bring tidings of great joy from the Celts. They can't locate their lead guitarist and they need you. I hope you have no adverse reaction to eyeliner...", as the horsemen hands him a papyrus scroll.
"All my life I've I've waited for this moment... but I'm not sure. Aunty sure seems invested in my becoming a megomaniac"...
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Post by Virgil Reality on May 31, 2004 0:13:05 GMT 8
"Let me make it easier for you" says our horseman, extracting a small black cylinder from his pocket.
Nerodred's profound blue eyes widened at the sight.
"Eyeliner" he gasped longingly.
"Yes. And denim. Hair product Red pleather, even tuxedos if you want to go all out."
"Tempting, " mused Nerodred. "I sure am getting tired of these kitchy curtains, even a saucepan helmet and gold cuffs can't make them look macho" Nerodred plucked at the red velvet.
"But I can't play the electric guitar - electricity hasn't been invented." he protested.
Come on now, you're a consummate musician, I saw your gig at the "Slaughter House". Even the pigs were amused. You sure played an incendiary fiddle You're a guy ahead of your time and I'm no lyre. And time travellers always learn real fast . C'mon we'll just steal away"
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Post by zodiac on May 31, 2004 1:25:13 GMT 8
Sounds like fun...I'll give it a meek try...
Nerodred, pleased at the compliment, still wasn't sure about this high-riding horseman from the city. He stood still a few moments, working his jaw and trying to make a decision. He eyed the pleather, hair gel and eyeliner, and a slow smile crept onto his face.
"Come, Nero. Can I can you Nero?" The horseman took Nerodred by his velvet sleeve and pulled him along. " We're talking big lights, rabid fans, screaming girls, all the ale you can drink..." The horseman went on, even more excited than before, lost in a place called Sydney or the Big Apple or some other far away futuristic land.
Suddenly, they both stopped. Nerodred squinted into the setting sun. In front of them sat a machine: sleek, shiny, black. "Is that the time machine?" The horseman chuckled. "Boy, get in. You're in for the ride of your life" Nerodred walked slowly around the machine. His gaze lingered for a moment on the creature perched ontop of the hood. "Wait," he whispered, looking down at his robes. The horseman motioned for him to get in. "You can put the pleather on in the car, GET IN!!!!"
Heady with anticipation, Nerodred slid into the time machine, and with a quick glance backwards and a fleeting thought of Auntie, the machine sped away.
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Post by Virgil Reality on Jun 1, 2004 22:43:59 GMT 8
As the time machine disappeared into a whirling vortex in the time -space continuum, Nerodred checked his dreadlocks and had an uneasy sense of whatever the opposite of deja-vu is.
This wasn't helped when he noticed that the carriage was filled with beautiful young women. By the mirror, a petite blonde piano player in a red satin dress and a taller thinner blue-green painted woman wearing a leather bra were trying to out-pout each other.
At one table a disdainful group of Mediterranean women tried desperately to pretend they hadn't seen him. Only one, who looked more like a Brazilian model, or maybe a Cherokee princess, looked furtively and with interest at him.
He then noticed with alarm the group of men also looking at him whilst playing cards and rolling bandages.
Do I know these people? he wondered.
But before he could ponder the matter, there was a shuddering jolt and the time machine came to a halt. The door slid open with a swish and Nerodred and the blond messenger stepped out onto a darkened platform. None of the others bothered to look or follow.
They arrived at the ticket wicket and Nerodred inserted the disc proffered by his travelling companion. The barrier slid open and Nerodred crossed the threshold. The place seemed noisy and crowded so he hesitated. His companion however did not follow.
"This place looks like a S***hole" Nerodred observed.
"But it's a happening S***hole" he was told and with a flash of lights, the timemachine and the messenger were gone, leaving Nerodred clutching the red velvet curtain like a huge security blanket.
"I was promised red pleather," he choked
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Post by GG on Jun 2, 2004 9:04:42 GMT 8
"Mommy?!"
A beautiful, dark, almost fairy-like earth goddess emerges from the mists to greet Nero.
"Have no fear Poppet! Your gig dosn't start for an hour or two. Why not allow my goddesses to administer to you"
Two beautiful women emerge from the mist still hovering behind her. Mary and Martha.
Mary, well toned and obviously artistic, begins by laying Nero on a bed of rose petals and gently carressing his back, as Martha, beautiful in her maturity and strength sings quietly, diligently washing his feet, as she quietly sings "everything's alright".
Slowly he drifts into dream... and drifting he finds himself on the shores of a Scottish island, standing next to a croft. He senses a deep feeling of familiarity and recognition. He turns and sees the form of a young girl walking down the beach. She approaches him and askes "hey baby what's your sign?"...
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Post by Virgil Reality on Jun 3, 2004 9:01:38 GMT 8
But before Nerodred can answer, the young girl stomped her bare foot and tossed her tangled hair
"Dang it all'" she said, mostly to her self. " I told myself I wouldn't speak till they let me have cello lessons. Are you the cello teacher?"
"Well, I'm on my way to becoming a guitar legend. I am adept in numerous musical instruments so I'm sure I could master this cello, whatever it is, in mere minutes and impart my talent. After all this is the land that time and logic forgot isn't it?"
But the girl had already turned and was running down the beach. As she ran, she grew larger and more curvaceous and when they arrived, breathhless, at the barn, she was now a mature woman, staring lustfully at where the red velvet curtains had become disarranged, revealing .....
(C'mon Shars, you know you want to.....)
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Post by zodiac on Jun 3, 2004 9:22:35 GMT 8
 ...bright white boxer shorts with weebles all over them. Nerodred looked as surprised as the sudden-woman and looking closer, realized the weebles were actually TEXTanimated TEXT, bopping all over his shorts. Panic-strucken, Nerodred hopped around the barn squeeling and squirming, trying to get away from the weebles. The woman giggled with delight. Nero's world became full of color and light, his eyes struggling to focus on what was becoming a blur of images. All the while, laughter ensued and a simple guitar rhythm built into a crescendo of sound. Nero stumbled out of the barn, looked up at the full moon which seemed to be howling with delight, and promptly fell to the ground. (sorry Shars, you gotta be quick!)
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Post by Gg on Jun 3, 2004 9:57:46 GMT 8
when he woke the goddesses were no where to be found but had left a note -- "sorry, my loan came in and Martha had to update the website, Mary".
He rubbed his face, "Stella?" he found himself saying, but as he turned around there was a beautiful woman, sinewy as a dancer, sitting behind him.
"What are you doing?" He askes,
"composing" replied the ravishing woman...
CUE 2 SHARS!!!!
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Post by Shars on Jun 3, 2004 13:18:00 GMT 8
"Sounds more like decomposing to me" exclaimed a newly energized Nerodred. "Let me show you how its done where I come from." "And just where DO you come from oh hunky and mysterious one?" sayeth the ravishing woman. With a wry little smile Nerodred replied "Why the rockin'-est empire of them all my little chickadee. All I need is a lyre, a guitar, a violin and a plate of Dutch curry and I'll rock your world."
The mystery woman, entranced by the offer quietly contemplated the idea of revealing her true identity, but realized that such an indiscretion would jeopardize the plans set forth by the gods on Mt. Olympus. Her mission might be compromised if her charge were to find out that he is hitting on Aphrodite, goddess of all that is artistic and cool. Yes she may be the ultimate musical muse, but even the mighty Aphrodite is no match for the mystical powers and charms of those baby blue peepers. She finds herself entranced by Nerodred's seductive siren song and mildly confused by his wardrobe. She may not be mortal but at least she knows not to pair red pleather pants with paisley polyester. Egads! In a flash of inspiration she calls on the Queer Eye guys to glam up and metrosexualize this fashion disaster. Soon Carson is 911'd to the scene and ditches the curtains (which make everyone look a little "hippy" anyway) and transforms the emperor' image with a rainbow jumper, sequined silver jacket, Beatle boots and yes, even more eyeliner.
Now, Aphrodite thinks, he is ready for the big time. If only she could keep her train of thought from jumping the tracks every time Nerodred lets out a screeching guitar wail with killer reverb and juicy use of a wah wah pedal. But falling in love was not part of the gods' plans. She knows that disobeying their orders and mucking up the plans will not sit well on Mt. Olympus.
"Forget the gods and come away with me to Troy. I know a few guys there who will let us hide until the heat dies down" he tells her. "Oh Nerodred, you're so rugged!" she replies, and they mosey on down to the gates of Troy. Nerodred rings the doorbell, which cleverly plays "Live for Today" instead of the usual "ding dong." The pair interprets this as a good sign. However, no-one answers the gate door. Nerodred and Aphrodite become worried. What will they do if they can't get into Troy?
After several hours of "Live for Today" go by (about which no-one really complained!) it appeared as though everyone in town has split for the Wisbech festival, leaving only the tragically un-hip left to run the city. One of the evil drawbacks of being so very un-hip is that no-one in Troy had any clue who their two callers were. Consequently, our heros were denied entrance to the walled city. While waiting for the cool people to return from the AGAIN rain drenched festival, Nerodred and Aphrodite camped out on the beach where she lulled him to sleep with a lullaby played on a lyre with a strangely carved headpiece and ambiguous background.
However, his slumber was interrupted by a dream which revealed a clever and cunning plan to force their way into the city before the gods found out that he's stolen their super hot chick. Soon after sunrise, Nerodred is busily building a gift for the Trojans. But in his haste and grogginess from the night before, he misinterprets the dream and builds a Trojan badger. Not quite as impressive as a horse, but Nerodred continues on in hopes that no-one will notice. As he rolls the badger, with Aphrodite inside, up to the gates, the guards call down "Get lost you wankers—we've seen that trick before."
Just then, the horseman reappears with the time machine, which by now has been tricked out to resemble a slightly dented green Jaguar with something bumping around in the trunk.
OK—I know I'm confusing Roman and Greek mythology and history, but nobody ever said fictional ranting had to be accurate!!
Oh so humbly submitted for your amusement,
Shars
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Post by JenoWhatIMean on Jun 4, 2004 0:04:38 GMT 8
The horseman jumps out and says "Hey, don't give up so easy...I have the perfect disguise!" No self-respecting soldier in his right mind would let you in in that silly oufit. Take that off and put this on!" He holds up a late 19th century woman's frock "Yes that's right...no leave the eyeliner. Here, you'll need this too.." He holds out a wig of long black hair with curls that fall to the shoulders. "There, even Aphrodite would be jealous now!"
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Post by Virgil Reality on Jun 4, 2004 0:25:50 GMT 8
"I guess so, I'm not afraid of my feminine side," said Nerodred
( or is it says What tense arewe using here anyway ?)
And this emerald green does bring out the greeny-blue depths of my eyes doesn't it?"
Aphrodite fretted with impatience as Nerodred preened in the frock.
"We must hurry. Brad and the boys will be back soon and they'll be reaching for the Trojans when they get a load of you. If we don't make it to the sound check real soon, you'll never master "Little Wing" before the gig."
They jumped into the green jaguar, Y reg, slightly damaged bodywork and to Nerodred's surprise, the doors to the fortress opened, their stage passes were checked by two huge former All Blacks bouncers and the car rolled through the gates.
The boot ( trunk to you guys) of the Jaguar opened and out climbed a dishevelled Carson, working the low rise jeans in dark indigo and whiter than white muscle T shirt and reaching out the hair product with eleven organic nutrients. "Guess I'll have to do this too," he grumbles, ripping off the wig "OMG!!1111!!!Look what that wig has done to your hair We've only got 55 minutes and 4 seconds till lights up."
"You know where you can put the hair product, I've got chords to learn"
says Nerodred, strapping on the Stratocaster and tuning up
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Post by Shars on Jun 4, 2004 5:48:25 GMT 8
But before Nerodred can even get a single note out, a blast from his past invades the dressing room and disrupts his focus. “Stella! I never expected to see you here!” cried our intrepid time traveler as he danced a festive two step. “What brings a nice girl like you to a time and place like this?” “Ya’ stole my best green velvet dress ya’ frootloop and I want it back. How’s a streetwise hooker supposed to snag customers with 19th century drag queen fetishes without the proper costume? Step in front of a speeding carriage will ya’!” Stella remarked. But once she had the chance to give him a once over, she came to the conclusion that whatever his preferences or reasons may be, he still looked mighty fine in a dress. “Yum yum yum” she thought.
She knew that in order to win back the only man who treated her with any decency she would have to absorb herself in his world. This meant changing her job title from “teenage hooker” to “executive groupie.” Fortunately, she already had the wardrobe and job skills. “Oh Ed..., I mean Nerodred. You’re my hero. I’ll do anything you ask” Stella exclaimed, swooning all the while. “Hmm... anything I ask?” Nerodred smirked knowingly. “How about heading up my newly formed fan club, Nero’s Nymphos? They could use a little “guidance” if you know what I mean.”
Just then, the horseman popped his head in to remind Nerodred that the show must go on, and that the Jag was double parked. “My public awaits!” shouted Nerodred as he leaped up and into the slick silver ensemble that Carson had laid out for him. With sloppy, floppy hair and a sinister smile, Nerodred walked out onto the stage to an audience screeching with delight. The stage was almost empty except for four vaguely familiar faces. Was that Les, Beano, Tony and Ray behind their instruments? Oh what a happy day—Strange Fruit would once again conquer the musical universe. But why are they all wearing bunny outfits?
That question will have to wait as he hears thunder booming in the background. He thinks to himself “Why do the promoters ALWAYS stage this show in rainforests? Would it kill anyone to book a gig in a dry climate?” Not to be undone again, Karen and Claire, charter members of the Nero Nymphos, summon the powers vested in them by the fan-club issued togas and appeal to the gods of thunder to “rain rain go away, come again some other day.” But distracted by the super-hunky specimens in front of them, they forgot about appeasing the lightening gods, who exacted their power in a huge lightening bolt sent from the heavens straight to the unlit cigarette dangling from the corner of Nerodred’s mouth. The blast not only ignited his ciggie, but through sheer static electricity transported him to another place and time.
Next.......
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Post by Virgil Reality on Jun 4, 2004 8:26:44 GMT 8
Flip it's freezing
Nerodred had no idea what this white stuff was but it sure was cold. And How had that lovely green dress morphed into an assortment of dead animal skins? Why was he wearing what seemed to be a dead rabbit on his head? No Matter, it was warmer than a saucepan (Unless you wanted to use a hot saucepan but Nerodred had tried that before and it hadn't been a huge success. ) Anything to protect from the biting cold. Even his face was moderately warm - Carson had applied a beard from the costume department such as he could never grow even with six months warning.
He stepped out but the racketball raquets strapped to his feet only made it slightly easier to move He thought of ways to keep warm but decided against it in the interests of personal freshness. He moved unsteadily from whence the strains of a Balalaika orchestra drifted over the steppes towards the steps of the Yuryatin Town Hall (It's in the Urals)
"Here he is, the little wanker," called Hughie, proffering a huge balalaika with a carved headpiece and ambiguous background.. "Now we can give this sound some fruit balls"
"No don't give him any more friggin fig n date balls" moaned Ray " The rest of us had the Dutch curry"
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Post by Gg on Jun 4, 2004 11:12:34 GMT 8
Nerodred sees the horsemen trot by, proclaiming in bewilderment from his horse
"WHERE THE HELL ARE WE AND HOW DID WE GET HERE??!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"You're asking me - I have raquets on my feet, a dead rabbit on my head, and this beard is beginning to itch!!"
"You think you're confused -- I was Orlando Bloom as an elfin Peter Lundy until we broke the space-time continuum and you went galivanting off to Troy"
"HEY WAIT!! Didn't we go to the same school?"
"Isn't it a little late for that? But wait,..." looking at Hughie, "Didn't I just see you fighting the Civil War with Tom Cruise?"
"Oh please", Hughie says taking a deep drag of his home-rolled with lovely papers,"where haven't you seen me?"
"Don't get too conceited, Ray and Beano are all over the place too you know"
"Yeah, but I write my own material and I play the banjo... and anyway the Queen loves me"
"UGH GUYS!! Wasn't I the focus of this little story" says Nerodred in a huff...
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