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Post by Virgil Reality on Jan 23, 2011 23:26:54 GMT 8
In the spirit of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and other hybrid spin-offs, how about contributing to our own little attempt?
Abu Ben Perseus, may his tribe increase
Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace
And saw within the moonlight in his room
making it rich and like a lily in bloom
A Grecian princess writing in a book of gold
Exceeding peace had made Perseus bold
And to the presence in the room he said
WTF? Can't a demi god get a bit of kip around here?
"Oh Perseus" cried the princess. "The gods are mighty p'd off with you". Your last quest was a total balls up and you wrote off some of the cream of Britain's acting talent - you really froze them out. The Matheson Mafia have made you an offer you can't refuse. You must start immediately"
Perseus rolled out of bed, hauled on his Stubbies, Blunnies, and his Acca Dacca T shirt, belched, scratched his arse and headed for his turbo charged black Holden Commodore ute.
"Matheson Mafia" he mused. "I bet I know what they want"
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Post by Gg on Jan 24, 2011 10:36:12 GMT 8
"You're not the boss of him, b%tch!"
cries Io as she emerges from behind a curtain,
"But she's right Perseus" resuming her ethereal tone,
"He may not have been very nice to me in another life, but the Matheson Mafia have been patient enough. Use your powers as demi-god and de-calcify him, and the cute kid from SKINS. Mads is way too busy, but at least they two. If he acts up, I'll just stab him in the chest again."
"Crikey girls! Aren't there better ways we could be spending our afternoon...?"
[CLOSE UP Perseus's come hither look]
Perseus's come hither look is interrupted by an by an ominous thud. A cloud of dust makes fog of the room. A dry cough and a moan fills the cloudy air as....
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Post by Virgil Reality on Jan 24, 2011 14:08:13 GMT 8
"Cut"
A sheepish stagehand (or best boy or whoever moved the background on set) rushed for a dustpan, with which to sweep the fragments of the Best Or Less statue which has shattered as it fell from its pedestal.
Io and Nana hastily pulled the diaphanous fabric over their exposed breasts and rolled their eyes. Perseus reached for his inhaler.
"Don't you know avoidance of dust is in my contract. Strewth. Just when I was going to participate in an onscreen threeway."
"We''l get this scene done, don't worry. It's guaranteed to get the pre-release rumour mill going, girl on girl action etc," soothed the director. Now, take 10."
Numerous takes later, the scene is the can.
Next day the crew is transported to the wilds of a Welsh quarry.
"Medusa's cave is just below us," reminds the fabric-wrapped Djinn.
"Do I really have to go down there and retrieve the statues of Ixas and Euwhateverhisnamewas?" whined Perseus. "They're showing the Test match on Sky and we're in with a chance this time."
"Oh Perseus" intoned Io. "The Matheson Mafia are relying on you- and you know how persistent they can be. Even obsure madebeforeDVD and foreign nevereleased inEnglishspeakingcountries movies are within their command. Do you think you can ignore their will and they'll just go away. I can assure you..."
As she continued, Io's voice gradually lost the ethereal quality and became a broad Dorset patois.
"Strewth, woman," cried Perseus, also forgetting his RP and lapsing into his best Rocko bogan dialect. "Abbie Cornish was never this much trouble. crikey, even that rogue croc didn't give me so much grief."
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Post by Gg on Jan 24, 2011 23:03:04 GMT 8
somebody else go!!! It's not the Virg and Gg show! Don't be shy!!!
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Post by lynette on Jan 25, 2011 6:32:35 GMT 8
This is amazing fun!  ;D |
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Post by Gg on Jan 25, 2011 6:58:00 GMT 8
GO FOR IT!
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Neferisis
Hans Afficionado
Just a dreamer holding on to what is precious: hope
Posts: 106
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Post by Neferisis on Jan 25, 2011 7:38:11 GMT 8
Ha ha! This topic is too difficult for my English proficiency  But, I'll sit here as audience and laugh a lot as I just did... this is amazing, how fun! |
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Post by Gg on Jan 25, 2011 22:59:43 GMT 8
"Wait, SHUT UP!" Gemma squeals, holding her hand up to beg silence.
"Do you HEAR that?!"
"It sounds like...." Sam eyes widen
Gemma meets his in recognition
"Its the SIREN CALL"
The boom operator drops the mic, rolling his eyes
"We're on dry land morons!"
Still listening Sam turns to Gemma, whispering
"What could it be?"
Slowly it comes to her,
"bloody hell... it's the Matheson Mafia... they're whining"
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Post by Virgil Reality on Jan 26, 2011 9:26:30 GMT 8
And dhining, dahlings.
"Pass me more of that Pinot Grigio" mumbled Matheson Mafiosa #1 with her mouth full of pasta alla salsiccia.
"Drink up dahling" mumbled Matheson Mafioso #2 and she helped herself to a handful of the San francisco salt water taffy and a slurp of the Pinot before filling the other glasses.
The other Mafiosa present all guzzled, slurped and chewed, all the while murmuring their appreciation of a good meal.
"Quick!" cired Io, "Get to the mouth of the cave while their mouths are full"
The group photogenically arranged themselves at the mouth of the cave, allowing ET, Perez Hilton and the paparazzi to get good clear HD images. Perseus even found time for an interview.
Just as they sorted the blocking for the next shot, a smartly dressed young man with natty waistcoat, starched white shirt, pin striped trousers and neatly trimmed goatee walked towards them . The well-groomed appearance was only marred but dusty, dirty, blood-stained boots. As he drew nearer, the group noticed they blue eyed fixed firmly ahead. Yet vacant. And the silver pistols.
"Alec...I mean Lord Coward" greeted Io in surprise.
But ignoring her, the man stumbled onwards, right towards where the Matheson Mafia were whining and dhining near the craft services. Onward and onwards he seemed to float slightly above the ground. He raised the pistol at the Matheson Mafia gathered around the table.
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Post by Virgil Reality on Jan 26, 2011 9:30:10 GMT 8
ha would you believe Proboards obscenity filter won't allow salthingyer as one word?
Go ahead others, please add your contributions. You must have some good ideas too.
Just bring in characters as zombies or something.
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Post by Gg on Jan 26, 2011 11:55:40 GMT 8
AWWW!!! Save us!!!!!
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Post by Virgil Reality on Jan 26, 2011 20:30:22 GMT 8
Come on, I ask you. would the Matheson Mafia be so naive as to be hanging around the set of a zombie movie without protection?
Of course not. As one, they activated their Zombieshields TM (patent pending) and the figure stopped its forward motion and stood there swaying from side to side.
"Phew, that was close" they all agreed. "Presently the zombie was joined by another similarly clad young gentleman, this time with breeches and long riding boots. he drew closer and then joined the LordCowardzombie in the swaying motion before the luncheon party.
But Io had more power over Aleczombie.
"Leave them. It's Ixas you want"
The zombies turned jerkily at the direction whence came Io's intonment and staggered off in her direction. Perseus wiped the last remnants of pasta alla salsiccia, grabbed his sword and se off after them, the hand-held cameraman following.
Suddenly from stage right there was banjo music and Billy, Bill, Timothy, Jimmy and Tony zombies appeared, swinging their instruments as they lurched.
"Great" muttered the director, "The Background music'
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Post by Gg on Jan 26, 2011 23:21:52 GMT 8
BeanoZombie farts stale dust...
"Just PERFECT" mutters Louis, reviewing his shooting script.
"f&cking H%ll!!!" cries the Matheson Mafia. "We're eating here!!!!"
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Post by lynette on Jan 27, 2011 1:05:04 GMT 8
I like to read this ;D , unfortunately, I can not help own literary work... |
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Neferisis
Hans Afficionado
Just a dreamer holding on to what is precious: hope
Posts: 106
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Post by Neferisis on Jan 27, 2011 8:19:37 GMT 8
Ha ha ha! imagine the smell of Beano zombie's f*rt!! rotten uggghh LOL!  |
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;D
But, I'll sit here as audience and laugh a lot as I just did... this is amazing, how fun!